The 20-year click.

“Yes and” the Cardinal Rule of improv and clearly explains the acceptance of an idea with which our scenes/games are built upon.  But I’ve come to realize that this simple notion has far more reach in our lives and how we reach our goals.

Let me step back to elaborate.  In 1995 I was asked by a co-worker if I could give him a ride to an improv show after our shift, and he’d get me in for free.  At this time, in Pittsburgh, “Friday Nite Improv” was the place for students at Pitt, CMU, Duquesne, et.al. to go for a couple hours every Friday from 11pm-1am and play in a full audience participation show.  At this same time, I was just beginning to perform in theater and was absolutely clueless to improv.  The explanation was, “It’s like ‘Whose Line’.  If you want to play, you raise your hand, and hope the host picks you”.  Needless to say, every Friday afterward, until I moved in 1999, I was there.  Eventually, I joined the house team, “The Susquehanna Hat Company”, and even became a regular host.  And to this day, I still keep in touch with my friends from FNI, even after the show’s 21 year run ended in 2014.  Thanks to my co-worker, Steven Werber, I have someone to blame for every bad scene.

Fast forward to 2019, Las Vegas.  I’m now part of the “Old Guard” of improv.  Trained with Second City in Vegas, performed with multiple troupes at multiple local and Strip venues, hosted my own version of FNI for three years, and even got to coach many of the players here in town.  And one thing has stayed consistent, “Yes and”.  Not in the obvious improv sense, but in the fact that every player in this form of art has been accepting of me.  They are my extended family.  Yet I didn’t realize this until just a couple months ago when I joined ComedySportz here in Sin City.

After a 5-year hiatus from regular improv performance, I auditioned for the team here, and it struck me that these people are my family.  The immediate trust given to me during the audition process and the continued entrust given at practices and during my first couple of matches is inspiring.  Here I am, 20 years in the game, yet a rookie with CSZLV, and I am treated with respect and equality.  I’m playing with people half my age, or a fraction of my experience, but that’s irrelevant.  I’m playing with a group of people that inherently understand “Yes and”, and they don’t realize the true gift they’ve offered; the gift of family.

Like a family, Improvisers are a unique group.  We’re certainly an eclectic group with a vast set of skills and talents.  And the CSZLV team is no exception.  And I’m truly grateful for their acceptance.  It took 20 years and thousands of performances for this to `click’, but this old dog has learned something.  “Yes and” has new meaning for me.  It’s been ingrained in my performances, but I hadn’t realized how much it’s entrenched in my personality, my profession, and my world views.  I’m a better actor because of improv, for sure. But more importantly, I’m a better person because of improv.  Thank you to my improv family here and across the globe. Yes, and especially to my brother, Steve.  It’s all your fault.

Been a few years.....

I try to avoid using Facebook as a means to espouse my theories on life, or art, or even politics.  I find that there is already far too many neophytes and troglodytes out there with dead-set opinions and narrow-minded viewpoints that I will either be ridiculed, ignored, or otherwise provided with the TLDR response. There is a far greater opportunity for me to take experiences and knowledge and allow for self-reflection and critical thinking to enhance my views of the world.  Having said that, I am taking a moment from posting cat memes and funny “balls to the nuts” videos to share something near and dear to my heart, theatre.  Surprise!!!

This Thursday, “The Underpants” (an adapted farce by Steve Martin) opens at Las Vegas Little Theater.  Like any production, there are new and familiar experiences; changes and adjustments; generosity and selfishness; and of course, unexpected situations that test one’s commitment to the art and the trust of the craft.

Las Vegas is a very small acting community, and the comments and actions of those within it are often the deciding factor in one’s ability to find work.  Most often, hard work and dedication pay off for the talent in this theatrical microcosm.  Whether it’s film, stage, or some other artistic medium, how you represent yourself, more often than not, is going to show you doors.  Depending on your words and/or actions, it may just become a lot of closed doors.

I realize no one is perfect, and we all have to make professional choices in our careers.  But it has to be understood that our choices have consequences.  I know I speak for myself and countless others that being on the outside looking in is not conducive to a successful career.  And the struggle to get back the trust which was lost because of a word or action is a Herculean task.   But if you’re committed and persistent…….and talented, you can prevail.  But you have to leave your attitudes, your entitlements, and your pettiness back on that other side of the door.

I love reminding myself of the magic of theatre and having the shared experiences with those willing to work on envisioning a story.   It is not always easy.  It is not always fair.  But I can guarantee that if you disrespect the craft and those around you who dedicate and devote their lives to perfecting the art, you will find yourself looking in. 

I’m proud to be opening “The Underpants” this week.  I hope that if you have the time and means, you will join us in our story.   That you will join us and share with us our work, our dedication, and our love of the craft.  By the way, “The Underpants” is a comedy. Unlike this post.  Cheers.

Post Script (09/05/18)
I wrote this on Facebook on 09/04/18, the day after seeing numerous posts by a cast mate deriding the production and the production team.  The individual sent an email to the Director with language and comments far beyond unprofessional.  And while this individual knew it would cause them to be fired from the cast, there seemed to be no remorse or regret to what that would mean for the cast or the production as a whole.  Noting that this was done less than four days before opening.

So, I posted a rare diatribe on Facebook and subsequently the individual blocked me.  I've come to learn of this individual's attempts to marginalize their actions and to malign me for supposed "threats" implied by my post.  I have not actively pursued sharing this person's behavior, I've not shared the communication originally posted to the public forum and later removed.  And I've not shared this person's name nor anything that would directly identify them.

However, despite being humble and despite said individual's comments about my insignificance in the theater community, this person's name is becoming known simply through the shared desire by the community to know who not to work with. I'm angry from what the person did, but liked the person until Monday night.  True nature comes forth and Karma is a bitch.

Facebook is not my Therapist

Forward.

I'm a complicated person that hides behind a mask most of the time. Very few people know "who I am". You would think that because I perform as an actor that I'm comfortable around crowds, yet the opposite is true. If I'm performing, it's not me. That's why it's called acting. Yesterday was an acknowledgement about what appears to be anti-social behavior on my part. I get very anxious around holidays and tend to avoid parties/get-togethers/et.al. Not sure why I feel the need to share, other than the fact that I'm tired of avoidance behavior.

I started to write this on Facebook this morning, and I quickly realized that I use that medium far too often to share what is in my heart and mind. It is a method by which, I thin, is viewed as some "quick fix" solution. Post your problems and you'll feel better about yourself, but only in direct proportion to the number of likes or comments you get. Apparently, I've been following this methodology for a couple of years.  

So before I restart my blog postings about shows and roles and the general thoughts I have on theater and the dramatic arts, I'm going to resume what this blog was for; a place to share my feelings and thoughts about myself. Yes, it's public, but it's also isolated and insulated to maybe those few who actually care what I go through. Perhaps the musings will allow me deeper reflection on my personality flaws....or maybe they are the traits that make me unique and passionate. Who knows? Certainly not the general public of FB Friends, and Friends of Friends and the acquaintances of random meetings.

So......am I ok? Yes, for the most part. I've realized that my need for someone is strong, but it can't just be someone that takes up a physical space in my life. That's the hard thing. Since so few know me, it's hard to trust someone enough to let them in......Catch 22. I want desperately to share with someone, but at the same time I'm afraid of the rejection and/or betrayal that being vulnerable exposes me to....

Grateful to be a decent actor. Grateful to be smart enough to recognize my problems. Grateful to realize that I'm likely not alone.

"The 14 shows of 2013 to prepare for 2014." or "What I've learned in the past year."

As a final blog entry for the year 2013 or what has ended up being the first post of 2014, I thought I would review what I’ve learned over the course of the past year.  Oddly, there were 14 shows this year that I was either involved with, been asked to be part of, or had auditioned for and didn’t get.  I figured that it would be interesting to look back at the past year and comment on all the opportunities I had and reflect upon them.  Not just the nine shows I was fortunate to perform in, but the might have beens too. Forgive the cliches and the obvious lessons.  But it's my blog and it's my way of being grateful.

Sweeney Todd – Title Role - Dec/Jan

There are times for being selfish and times for being selfless. Plan accordingly.

• It’s interesting how sticking to your priorities and beliefs can pay off.  I had originally auditioned for the title role back in July/Aug of 2012 for the October 2012 production, but had a conflict on the last Saturday of the performance schedule.  It certainly was something I could have changed, but it was important to me and my relationship that I put my girlfriend first.  I don’t know whether I would have been offered the role had I been willing to change my conflict, but I knew that I had sacrificed important people and relationships in the past and I didn’t want to repeat mistakes.  I don’t regret that choice, and I think I earned the respect from the Director for sticking to my principles.  As things would turn out, the show was a success and was remounted for an additional run in Jan 2013.  As things would also turn out, the lead couldn’t meet all the performance dates in January.  So I was called.  I re-auditioned and accepted the role on the condition that I would have guaranteed performances.  And so began the two week process of learning the title role of Sondheim’s most recognized work.  The second run was a sell-out success, and I got to put a check by my #1 bucket list role.  It's not crossed off yet, because I’m not done with it.  I surprised myself in this production. Firstly, I was scared shitless that I wouldn’t learn the role in time and that I couldn’t meet the vocal demands of the show. Or worse: I’d be a flop.  Thankfully, I had a ton of support and brought everything I had to the performances.  I had a few bumps, but nothing noticeable and I finally found my voice again after years of struggling.

Next to Normal – Dr. Fine/Dr. Madden - March

There are shows you want to do and shows that you have to do. Learn the difference.

• This was a show that I “had” to do.  Some shows just speak to you and this show screamed to me.  Suffice to say, I’ve lived this show and knew all too well the emotions that this show would invoke.  I knew that Dan Goodman was the role I had to play.   I was confident in many things going into the audition process, but the voice I found in Sweeney was gone……..or at least misplaced.  Regardless, I still got the callback, but then it just got worse.  After the callback, I waited two weeks; no communication save for the production posting for more men to audition.  After a few messages back and forth, I was told I was no longer being considered for the role of Dan, and that was that.  Except it wasn’t.  I was asked to re-audition and despite feeling I would be able to “bring it”, I didn’t. In the end, I accepted the roles of Dr. Fine/Dr. Madden.  Like I said before, I had to do the show.  It was a very good production, and we had great reviews.  I was proud of my performances and received praise for this being some of my best vocal work.    Still, it was a difficult show to perform, and not because of the emotions I had to deal with from the show’s subject matter.  I learned from this production that your heart has to be 100% invested.  I certainly didn’t shirk my responsibilities in this production, but I can certainly attest to how hard it is to be part of a show and watch someone else perform “your” role.  I know now that should I be put in this position again, I’ll have to work extra hard to embrace the role I’m offered or pass on the production all together, regardless of how much the show screams at me.

Violet –  April

Respect requests to audition.  Even if you are unable to accommodate, show some courtesy.

• I probably could have done this show, as it would have worked within my schedule, but sometimes time just runs out and things don’t happen.  I didn’t audition for this show as I wanted to be available for the first show of Super Summer Theater, Music Man.  Still, I was contacted by the production to audition and did, and might have had the role, but ultimately didn't.  Not sure what the reasoning was, but “potential conflict” was likely the cause.  No hard feelings by either party.  It is what it is.  I will say that I will always honor requests to audition.  You never know what else may be down the road. 

Guys and Dolls – Benny Southstreet - March 29th

Sometimes you make exceptions for your friends and for the benefit of the show.

• I think this is the role that solidified the rumor that I was in every show, as it was only March and I was already doing another production.  Yet it was also another show that I didn’t audition for; as I wasn’t interested in doing just one performance.  I value my time, and didn’t want to spend a couple of months rehearsing to perform just one night.  Rude?  Maybe. Honest?  Absolutely.  Regardless, the director was in a bind and called me to help him out.  Four other actors had dropped the role of Benny Southstreet, and he wanted me to step in.  From what I knew, I wouldn’t have a lot of lines to learn, but a fair share of singing.  I also knew that with the show less than three weeks out, I would have to bust some ass. We worked my schedule and I had four nights of rehearsal plus two tech days of availability.  Game on.  It was a crap shoot, but we had a great show. And despite my qualms about a one night stand, it was cool to perform on the same stage as Elvis and in front of a 1,000 people.  Of course it's always cool to help a friend.

Tony and Tina’s Wedding – Father Mark - April (ongoing)

Sometimes the business is slow.  Things are only done when you stop.

• Three years and five callbacks later, I finally get cast in the perennial strip show, Tony and Tina’s wedding.  I never thought I’d get the call, especially since the role I was cast for had three performers already, but scheduling and timing worked in my favor and during the summer I finally got to perform in my third strip show.  Portraying Father Mark was short lived and anti-climactic, but I enjoyed putting the Improv chops back to work.  I’m still in the cast, but with the show down to two days a week, I’m not likely to see much stage time.  Still, I believe desire and persistence pay off.  In this case, literally.

Music Man – June

When your best isn’t good enough, don’t overthink it.  The Director just went in a different direction.

• There are the old sayings: “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” and “don’t put all your eggs into one basket”.  This show was a little of both for me.  Initially, I had been asked to audition for Urinetown and then for Violet, but I had my eyes set on portraying Harold Hill.  So I had one bird, maybe a second bird, but instead I put all my eggs in an Iowan basket.  Or at least I was Iowa Stubborn.  I had my heart set on playing opposite my real-life girlfriend and recapturing some of the summer theater magic from when we met two years ago.  Murphy’s Law won out and I ended being without any show.  I have no regrets.  I gave a great audition and had a better call back, but in the end I wasn’t what the director was looking for.   Thick skin is needed in this world, and if you dwell on all the roles you didn’t get, it’s likely you’ll miss other opportunities.  General rule: If you don’t think you’re good enough, how can you expect anyone else to?

Urinetown the Musical – Officer Barrel - May 

Make the best of every opportunity.  No one remembers mediocrity.

• So as it turns out, I didn’t audition for Urinetown and yet the Director still contacted me after a cast member dropped out of the show.  The director was looking to see if I knew anyone that would be willing to step into the role of Officer Barrel, and since I wasn't doing Music Man, I volunteered.  He didn’t expect me to offer myself, and I think he was surprised that I’d be willing to take a small role.  I had three weeks before curtain and not a whole lot to learn, but I still took advantage of the opportunity to work with Nevada Conservatory at UNLV.  I made a lot of new contacts and did a lot with what would normally just be considered a “featured ensemble” role.

How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying -  July

Yeah…..you’ll never succeed without trying.

• Not much to say on this one.  Went in, auditioned, got called back, went back in and that was it.  I never got a bad feel on this one, but that’s how it is sometimes.  Things just happen.  That’s show business.  It’s cliché, but true. That’s why it’s cliché.

Sudoku [the musical] - Clint - June

Put yourself out there.  The risk is great, but the reward is greater.

• An unforgettable show.  I describe it as a two hour show in a 30 minute bag.  An original musical with an emotional story.  Since I wasn’t doing either of the first two shows of SST, I thought I’d audition for a show in the 4^th annual LV Fringe Festival.   I’d been asked about a couple of other entries, but I was curious about one in particular: an original…..world premiere…...a challenge.  I got the challenge right away with the entire production.  I was working with a new director, new music director, a rock-style score and a stage partner that I was really intimidated by.  Two months later, I walked away with some of the best lessons I’ve ever learned from being on the stage.    I found my voice in a way that I hadn’t before.  I learned that when you share the stage with someone, anyone, you have to rise beyond any expectations or limitations and tell the story.  This show gave me new vision and energy and was worth every second.  Sadly it was over too soon, but this is the show that will stay with me forever.  It wasn’t about the sell-out performances or about winning “Best of Fringe”. Those things were great, but what was best was the feeling I felt after every performance that the audience was with us for the journey.

Legally Blonde – August
Show respect, get respect.  No one will fault you for your professionalism.

• This would have been a fun show to do.  And there was a part of me that considered putting myself up for the role of Prof Callahan.  My girlfriend was up for a good role and the pressure to do a show with her was mounting.  We had tried three other times and this could have been the show.  Regardless, I knew I was being considered for a role in the fourth Super Summer Production, The Producers, and I really wanted it.  I was contacted by the director to come to the auditions, but I explained to him that I was auditioning for the next show.  Still, I got a call back from him and he wanted me to consider the role of Callahan.  I’ll admit, I thought about it.  It would have been a juicy role and I could have spent a lot more time with my girlfriend.  But I passed.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being offered roles without having to audition, but I prefer to work for the roles I want.  

Raiding the Rock Vault – Nash Freeman - July (ongoing)
You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you never take.

• The irony of theater hit hard on this one.  I found out about the casting of this project months prior; before the show ever came to Vegas from its previews in LA.  I was told I was too old for the part of the show’s narrator.  The person who told me this was in no way involved with the project, but I believed him.  I didn’t think much of it then, but when auditions were called for understudies, I realized that his opinion didn’t matter so I set out to prove him wrong.  This was a fairly big deal as it was for a show at the Hilton (LVH) and paid really well.  I knew who I would be going up against, and when all was said and done, I beat out all the others.  All of them younger than me and some half my age.  I would jump at the chance to do this show nightly. It’s one of those shows that feel like opening night every night.  I doubt it will happen, but I’m always excited when I’m called in for the show.  I try not to have regrets, but I do wish I’d had more faith in myself and auditioned for the role in the first place.  Glad I do now.

The Producers – Roger De Bris - September
If you’re expected to bring it, you better damn well bring it.

• So I waited over year to audition for this show and I had both the luxury and curse of knowing that the role was mine to lose.  I say that a bit tongue in cheek as nothing was guaranteed.  Had I blown my audition, I am sure I never would have been offered the role.  Still, I had worked with the director twice before, and I knew that when he told me months before to look at the role, that I had a shot.  Needless to say, I put everything into the audition and eventually into the role.  Very proud of my performances, especially after totally my car two weeks before opening and wiping out on my motorcycle during the second week of performances.  Supposedly I stole the show…….and according to the review, the show within the show.  Heil Myself!

Line – Dolan - November
Enjoy the ride and pay attention.  There is always something to learn.

• This one came out of the blue.  I hadn’t auditioned for the show, and honestly didn’t even know about it.  UNLV’s Nevada Conservatory Theatre and Cockroach Theatre were both celebrating their 10^th anniversaries, and it was decided to do a collaborative production to commemorate the event.  As it turns out, Line was the first production done by Cockroach and to bring it full circle, it would be directed by one of the former cast members.  I was contacted by the director and offered the role of Dolan without audition.  Oddly, it was the same character he had portrayed ten years ago, so it was kind of cool to be considered.  I accepted knowing little of the show, but I trusted the director as he was the director of Sudoku.  I was the only cast member that was not a student of UNLV, and for that matter the only non-UNLV affiliate in the entire production.  Still, it was great to work with hungry actors.   I got to see myself in their eyes and remember some of the earlier years.  Let's hope I carry that with me for the next production. ......Master of the House????? Fingers  crossed.

Ready For My Close-up

So I've been shifting gears with acting the past month.  Less theater and more film.  It's not that there hasn't been the opportunities to do more theater, but I have to prioritize my time. Even before "The Producers" finished I'd been offered no less than three roles.  I hadn't even auditioned for the shows, but offers kept coming. I'm eternally grateful for the confidence bestowed upon me and I'm continually amazed how far I've come in my craft.  To know that I'm desired is a great feeling, and I value every role and production I'm in. But unfortunately, it comes at a cost; emotionally, financially and spiritually.  Most of what I do is unpaid, and although I enjoy every aspect of the process, I am usually spending my own money for the shows I do. I can't do that forever.  I also can't continue to sacrifice my relationships simply to be in a show.  Of course I look forward to the next show, but I can't just jump from one production to the next without factoring in the effect(s) on me.  Lately I've been wondering, "To what end will that role benefit me?" It's horrible that I would be so shallow, but if I want to advance in my career, I have to be more selective with the roles I choose to accept.  When it comes down to it, I can't give three months of my life to ensemble work.  Not here at least.  I've paid my dues here, and unless I'm being paid, I have to choose shows and roles that either speak to me on a personal level, or in all honesty, look good on my resume.  I know that there will be the occasional exception, but I also know that those favors will be returned.  I'm trying my best not to be so selfish and conceited, but I honestly believe I've reached a level here in Vegas that requires me to either move forward or concede to theater just being a hobby.

That's why I'm trying to do more film.  I have a very limited reel when it comes to the big/small screen, and if I want to move to the next level, I need to add more to it.  Pretty simple.  Of course it's a relatively new realm for me. The process is completely different and the timing is tough.  Perhaps that's why I haven't focused on film as much in the past.  I can't just take a week off of work to be an extra on a major motion picture in hopes of getting a bump to a speaking or featured role.  That means it's the Independent and Student film run for me. I have to start somewhere, right?  I actually am enjoying the experience so far.  Not that I haven't done films in the past, but they've been so spread out before that each time almost felt like the first time.  At present, I've had four auditions for local and student films in the past two months and I've been cast in three so far. Plus I've been asked to be in two others based on past work.  Not too bad.  Of course I had to back out of one due to scheduling conflicts and another may fall to the wayside for the same reasons.  Still, I'm thrilled for the offers.  The biggest issue is the fact that the productions are low/no budget, so their respective schedules are always in flux.  Of course, I try to be flexible, but you can't just say to me, "Hey! We're filming tomorrow. We need you for 15 hours." Since I'm not seeing any $$ and I'm not under any contract, I can't be expected to drop everything for some student film maker when his mom lets him borrow the\ car for craft services. I would hope that they would have their shit in order by the time they begin casting, but.....you know......  Again, it's a learning experience for everyone, so I expect some bombs and some wasted time. As I'm building my reel, I will forgo these issues, much in the same way I did when I first started doing theater.  I suppose I'll post again to bitch about that later.

All told, I believe that the strong theater foundation I've developed over the years will help push my progress in film that much faster.  It may take some time to actually get enough footage to produce a solid reel, but I'm in for the long haul.  I guess the proof will be when I move to a bigger market, or the bigger market comes to me.  Till then, I'll be humble and professional and grateful.

Charmed I'm Sure.

I restarted this blog as a means to assist my depression therapy and while I find the process cathartic, I also find it beneficial to share pearls of wisdom.......or at least what I find helpful to artists reading these posts.  Of course, if you notice, I haven't been too prolific as of late.  Not my fault! I swear!  I've been busy.  Between work, rehearsals and shows, I've hardly enough time to maintain proper hygiene, let alone write in my blog. Still, there are moments of clarity that prompt me to share.  I find that if I take note of the positive things and deposit them here, I'm likely to remember them and keep applying them to my career and my life in general.

So the past month has been full of experiences that have re-invigorated me and have given me the drive to push forward.  Some of the opportunities were of my own doing, some were a result of something else I'd done and then there were some despite my own doing.  The Recap:


*The Producers:  Super Summer Theater - Sept 2013 - Roger De Bris
I'll start with this one since it goes back the farthest.  I was cast a few years back in The Rocky Horror Show and impressed upon the director my acting/comedic/singing talent.  That led to him asking me to play the role of John in Oleanna.  That performance received some critical acclaim and praise.  Fast forward to a couple of months ago.  He's directing The Producers and wants me to audition. My confidence is much higher than in years past, but I still have to bring it.  The role was mine to lose.  The show opens in five weeks.  I'm loving it.

*Raiding the Rock Vault:  Las Vegas Hotel - Summer 2013 - Nash Freeman (host)
This one has the most impact.  Never let anyone tell you to not audition for a role. If you think you have a shot, then go for it.  So it was when the original call for actors came on this rock concert style show.   I was told by a fellow actor not to audition.....I was too old.  I trusted the individual as a peer and much to my chagrin should never have even considered his opinion. Whether or not I would have been cast is irrelevant.  The fact remains that I was cast as the understudy for the exact role I was told I was too old for.   Two additional notes: 1-I was recommended by a friend to audition.  There were not public notices. 2-I was the only one that bothered to memorize the lines for the audition and the call backs.

*Caesars Entertainment: Training Video - Filming first week in August

Another instance of being cast without an audition.  Having impressed upon my director for Sudoku the Musical at the LVLT Fringe Festival, he recommended me for the shoot to the production company hired to do the shoot.

*Los Acusados: Independent Film - Filming Late August

Yet again, cast without an audition.  I was actually planning on auditioning for this production, but couldn't get out of work.  The director got my name from another short film I'd done about a year ago.  The director of that recommended me.  

I think you see the trend here.  The work you do now may have residual effects months even years later. If you are professional and prepared, it will be noticed.   If you believe in yourself, you can overcome assumptions and misconceptions.  Even if you don't land that desired role, if you show who you are and give your best, someone will remember you.  Be honest and true.  Give respect to the process and the process will work for you.

Now those of you actually following my sporadic posts know that I've been lucky with having a number of recent casting offered to me without auditioning.  While that may be true, I didn't get cast in just as many. And I passed on ones that I didn't see myself doing.  The difference here is that I'm moving in a direction where $$ is playing a factor.  So much so that had I gotten the LVH gig from the get go, I'd be banking more for 15 hours a week than I do for 40 at my day job.  I'm still about the craft. But Damn!  It's nice to be paid.

So as a reminder to myself.  Don't let the discouragement prevent you from being great.  Don't let the opportunities be wasted with half-hearted effort.  Don't allow others to determine your path.  The worst anyone can say is "No".  But even that "No" can lead to a yes later on.  Some very positive feelings here.

I didn't add the week I spent at Faith Lutheran H.S. for the annual Mellow Dramatists camp. I think that deserves its own post.  I also didn't mention the permanent hiatus of the Radio Show, Curtain Call either. More on that to come later as well.  Don't let me forget.

A Super Summer

The summer theater in Las Vegas is in full swing and despite the frustrations one would typically feel with all the auditions, call backs, rehearsals or rejections, I'm feeling pretty good.  That's another trend that I'm enjoying lately.   Knock on wood.

The Music Man opened Wednesday at Spring Mountain Ranch, and I'm over the frustration of not getting cast as Professor Harold Hill.  I'm also over not getting cast as J.B. Biggley in the July production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. I didn't even audition for the August production of Legally Blonde, but based on current casting needs, may have had a good shot at Professor Callahan.   Blah Blah.  Don't get me wrong, I would have been thrilled to be in any of those productions and would have enjoyed working with the directors and my friends. Things happen for a reason though and I can't complain.  I won't complain; at least not much. And if I do, stop me.  I've been fortunate and honored and humbled the past year with the roles I've been cast in and so, I will always defer to the directors' choices: good or bad.

So tonight, instead of trying to swindle River City, Iowan's out of their money, or being in one rehearsal or another, I get to be on stage in a short but very rewarding musical.  The 4th annual Las Vegas Fringe Festival  closes tonight with the "Best Of" encore performances of three shows; Sudoku [the musical] being the one I'm in.  Four judges cast their votes for the two best shows and Sudoku had the highest number of votes with two others being tied for second.  It's not billed that way as 1st, 2nd.....etc, but I wanted to take a little pride here in my therapy session to gloat.  Albeit, the scores were very close.  Still!  This is my blog and I can state it here with somewhat immunity.  And done.

I love when theater experiences transcend venue and money and all the other trappings of an actor's fragile sense of ego.  Sudoku was and is a groundbreaking experience for me.  This show, and the people involved with it have pushed me and my talent to a new level.  I feel stronger as both a vocalist and actor and owe a lot to the expectations this show required.  By expectations, I mean the writer, the lyricist, the composer, the director and my co-star.  All of whom trusted me without question and gave me the confidence to believe in myself.  No small feat.

So tonight and tomorrow night I get to solve the puzzle again and enjoy the triumph of "Theatre of the Heart".   And so I say again, "Things happen for a reason."  Had I been cast in Music Man, or H2 Succeed, or even Xanadu (maybe not as there were others in Fringe from this one), I would not have even auditioned for Sudoku. This is the first year I could have even auditioned for Fringe. I've been asked to in the past, but couldn't as I was committed to other shows.  I haven't even done a new works festival or any kind of festival since 1997 when I was just starting out in Pittsburgh.  

So I humbly thank everyone that has supported the project by coming to see it.  Sold out every performance but the last one, and we were close on that one.  I feel renewed and energized and ready for the next challenge.......which I am already prepping for........The Producers.  And I'll need that strength since I'll be playing Roger DeBris, the Director of Springtime for Hitler and inevitably the lead in Springtime for Hitler as Hitler.  And did I mention he's as gay as a three dollar bill?  Heil Myself!!

Birds and Hands and Bushes

I think sometimes that as an actor I should stop fighting against certain trends. I've been incredibly lucky the past year having a string of successful shows and my reputation is, at least in my mind, improving.  Never really felt like I had a bad one, but I can definitely say that having a good one is way more beneficial.

So should I just take advantage of that?   Part of me wants to, but the purest in me wants to continue to put myself out there, and audition for shows. Even when I know going in that I'm nowhere on the Director's radar.  Maybe that's presumptive of me, but after enough auditions, you can read the faces behind the table.  Body language and facial expressions and the sometimes blase communique tell a lot.  I expect that to some extent in the cattle call auditions, but not in call backs.  All that is beside the point.  If you bring your best and your still don't get cast....that's part of the process.  I'm used to it and shrug it off.  Regardless, I made a list of shows I wanted to do this year, and so far, I'm 0-2.  Now technically I was in the first show on my list, but not in the role I wanted.  Long drawn out story on that one. Probably commented in a past blog entry.  But #2 I'm definitely not a part of.  I only wanted the title role and made callbacks.....of course I got stuck in traffic and was late.  Never a good sign, but I still felt I had a good callback.  For whatever reason didn't happen.  Move on.

But that got me thinking.  I had two other shows I could have done.  Two good shows with good solid characters and an opportunity to work in a different venues.  And I passed on them due to my list.  Now part of that was I wanted to play opposite of my girlfriend, but obviously that's not happening in this show.  (She's still up for her role though).   So what do you do?

It's the summer season in Las Vegas, and there are a ton of shows having auditions and I don't have a clue what to audition for.  There's Super Summer Theater, Fringe Festival, LVLT, and a myriad of other theater groups with venues, but I'm still hung up on whether I should just prepare for all of them, or wait for someone to come to me....  Because that's what it's been like lately.  I've had directors and producers asking me to audition.  It's a great sign when someone says, "I'd love for you to come read for ___________. You'd be perfect for it."  And I've passed on every one.  I don't know what that means, but I can't help wonder if I should just follow that path and tell directors. "If the audition I didn't go to was good enough to give me a call back, then the call back I won't be at should be brilliant and you should just cast me now."

But I want the roles I choose to speak to me, or be intriguing or something that will challenge me.  Sure there are a few roles that I want for the opportunity to be the lead, but those have their challenges.  I don't want to just take roles because they're handed to me......unless they fall into one of the above categories.  I'm humble, not stupid.

I certainly don't want easy, but I need to recognize that I'm not every director's cup of tea or coffee or whatever diet-decaffeinated-herbal liquid they're ingesting.  Perhaps I should look closer at my options and decide what will advance me more in my career.   Of course I say this after just being cast in another Strip Show that pays, and I'm complaining about doing theater for free.

Thank God it's Friday.

No Small Actors Need Apply

So Las Vegas seems to have hit a saturation point with the number of local theatrical productions and the apparent lack of "talent".  I've mentioned this in a few prior posts, but I restate it here as it relates to this one.

There are no small parts, only small actors.   ~Konstantin Stanislavisky

I've heard this quote many times over the years and always presumed to understand its meaning.  It's not too difficult to comprehend, but I've been seeing a trend around here that I too am guilty of: 

• Not taking roles because you think it's a waste of your talent.  
• Or the opposite, only auditioning for the lead and not accepting smaller roles. 

And it appears to me that many of us could stand to reflect on the above quote and figure out what it means to each of us.

Personally, I have seen myself not appreciating the time and commitment necessary to fulfill the roles of non-principles or ensemble cast members.  I've been there, and never received praise, never got acknowledged beyond the program or by family and friends that attended performances and never expected as much.  I always saw it as paying dues.  Over time, I accepted fewer and fewer roles of that nature.  I don't think I've been in an ensemble in over 10 years.  A recent article on a fellow Sweeney Todd cast member made me realize the importance of a strong ensemble. So I'm reconsidering possible roles for this summers SST lineup (see below).

Actors are driven to certain roles and some productions just call to you.  I was struck with just such a situation with my current production, Next To Normal.  It's a six person cast, and I wanted to play the "Male Lead". (I know. There are four Male roles, two adult and two teen. Technically there are two Male Leads. Whatever.  Let me get back to my point.)  I went into the auditions and did not put the supporting character as one I was interested in.  I wanted to play opposite my girlfriend, and as it was, neither of us were offered the main roles.  (Feel free to read backward in my blog for the deeper story of the casting issues I dealt with.)  As it turned out, I was offered the role of Dr. Fine/Madden.  And after some deliberation, I accepted.  

I want to state, that this show in no way has small roles.  It was never my intention to give any indication that that's what I thought.  I wanted the vocal challenge that the role of Dan would offer, and with the "saturation" issue, I had other role opportunities.  And that's when it dawned on me.  I was considering other roles for shows that didn't speak to me.  I realized, I wanted to be in this show.  When I first heard it was going to be produced here, I was excited.   The story and the characters hit so close to home that up until I accepted the role, I was waking up to myself singing the music in my sleep.  Other shows offered good roles, and some shows I could have gone for the leads.  That didn't interest me.  There are certain shows that I would love to perform in, Street Car, Death of a Salesman, Glengarry Glen Ross, and  more Musicals than I can list, but my time for those will come.  This one is now and powerful and with a great cast.  I wanted to be a part of that.  I wanted to tell my story and be part of the larger story too.  Can't do that if you are always holding out for the lead.

I told that to my girlfriend last night.  We are going to audition together for Music Man (Her for Marian the Librarian and me for Prof. Hill).  I told her that I'd take an ensemble role if she got Marian and I didn't get offered anything.  It's about having the passion to share the tale. Sharing the experience together.  I got to do that last summer with my daughter when we did Joseph together.  It's not about padding your actor's resume........(sometimes it is, but that's another post).  But you have to want it.  The last time I felt that way was Oct 2011 with Avenue Q.  I wasn't cast, but I called the director and told him I'd do anything.  Just be Trekkie's right arm, whatever.  I'd make my schedule work.  As it turned out, I got to be Nicky for a few performances and a Bad Idea Bear for the run.  A great experience.  Ironically, our Kate Monster is playing Diana in Next to Normal and our Princeton is creating the music tracks.


I guess my point is that if the role doesn't speak to you, it doesn't matter what the offer is.  I would never accept a role in a show I wasn't interested in, or had no connection to.  Maybe there's a dollar figure in there somewhere that might change that, but I look at the above quote differently now.  A small minded actor never sees the big picture, only the glory/fame/accolades of a role.  A true actor sees every piece and knows where he/she fits.  Those actors are connected to the story and each other and only by having that connection can the audience see the vision. That's what I want.  I'll get that with Next to Normal.

When did I become a Diva?

I don't know when it happened, or what caused it, but lately I've just wanted to tell everyone, "If you need me, I'll be in my trailer."  I feel that my acting is a commodity, and though I perform for free, I'm about to just tell directors to just cast me.  It's frustrating to be asked to go to auditions and not get cast, but it's even worse when you don't go and then get the speech by a director/producer, "Why didn't you go?  The part was yours? You would have killed it."   If that's your assessment without me even auditioning, then obviously you should just give me the role.  Don't make me feel guilty for not going.  I have my reasons, ok? Like maybe I have four other shows that I have already been called back for.  Which is something entirely different, since two of them I didn't even audition for in the first place.

I think Vegas Theater has reached its saturation point.  With the number of theater groups putting on shows, and the lack of turnout (especially with musicals), it's hard to pick and choose what I'd like to do.  There are some shows that won't ever go away  (*cough* Camelot) and some that no one knows (Violet), and some where the timing is right for my age type (Music Man).  Then comes the part where directors ask me to audition.  I respect the process and if I'm interested in the show/role I'm all over it, but it's beginning to feel like I'd be better to just sit back and wait for offers.  Too many shows right now are extending auditions.  Camelot doesn't have a Lancelot?  Nobody went to Violet auditions?  And don't even get me started on Next to Normal.

I picked my calendar out last Nov/Dec and it was reasonable.  Next to Normal, Urinetown, Music Man or How To Succeed, Producers, Into the Woods.  Those were the shows I wanted to do.  Roles were varied, but I like the character roles and strong leads.  A little mix of that with these shows.  Of course, I have to audition and be cast, but I'm confident in my abilities.  If the Director has a different vision that I don't fit into, I'm fine with that.  There was some overlap with these shows, so I didn't figure I could realistically do them all, but I love to perform and like I said, I trust my abilities........except my falsetto bridge.......a post for later.

So obviously, I didn't plan on auditioning for Irma Vep or Clockwork Orange or Guys and Dolls or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or Death of a Salesman or a slew of others.  Maybe it was scheduling.  Maybe I don't know the show.  Maybe I don't trust the director/producer/likely cast.  Doesn't matter.  These were the fallbacks I guess.  I didn't get cast for Next to Normal (wait for it), so I auditioned for Irma Vep, which I also didn't get cast.  Fine.  Urinetown was next, except I'm asked to come to call backs for two other shows, plus Tony and Tina's at Ballys wants me to come back for a fifth callback......another post for later.  And to top it off, I'm asked to come back for Next to Normal.  And still didn't get the role of Dan, though offered the Doctor....but only cause the first person cast had to back out.

So why am I busting my butt?  Had I not gone into Next to Normal auditions, I probably still would have been asked to, simply because there weren't enough choices.  Maybe the same results, but three weeks of stress averted.  Now I'm stuck with callbacks for shows that weren't on my list, but I would enjoy doing, an offer for a role I didn't list as one I wanted, but for a show I've fallen in love with (more love/hate at the moment). And to top it off, I'm getting criticism for not going to other auditions and for considering a role I'm actually being offered.  Ahhh.  This shouldn't be so hard.

So, I'm tempted to just be "that guy".  It will kill most opportunities I have, but I'm doing this for free.  DON'T make me tell you that I have to be paid.  DON'T make me just wait for you to come to me with an offer.  DON'T be upset if I don't go to auditions.  Be proactive.  Just call me and offer me the role, don't tell me it was mine if only I'd gone to auditions.  That's bullshit.

I've just realized I don't have a trailer.  I've also realized that I'm not being paid, so why stress at all.   Maybe I'll split the difference and tell people, "If the audition I didn't go to was good enough to get me a call back, then me not going to the call back should be perfect for me getting the role".   I'll be in my SMART car if anyone needs me.

Assuming In Theater Just Makes An Ass Of You.

What a week!  Disappointing to say the least, but way more frustrating than any discouragement of not being cast.  Two auditions, two rejections and two uniquely bad choices made my the productions of each.  Obviously, this is my opinion, and any justifications/excuses provided do not change the general disrespect of the actor.  I sincerely hope this isn't a trend.  Suffice to say, I've lost something.  I hate saying that because I love performing.  Not sure what I've lost.........maybe some respect for individuals I considered friends. Maybe I've lost a little faith in this town and the throw-away mentality people here have; Actors, Producers and Directors alike.  This ain't New York, we aren't paid Equity Actors, but volunteers in the Art we love. But, I digress.  You probably want to know what happened.  If not, then why are you continuing to read?

The first audition was for a musical and one that should have had more attention paid to it then what the turnout of actors indicated.  Tony Award Winning and powerful story, but obviously not well known outside of NY. It's mostly singing and only 5 roles (Two of which fit my category), but perfect for a small Vegas venue.  Maybe the location of performances turned away actors, or there were too many other shows that the actors were interested in auditioning for.  Regardless, when you are the only age appropriate actor to audition, you tend to wonder.  I'll interject that I still have nerves with auditioning, but I am way more confident then I used to be. The range of music for the show is in my higher register, and though I know I can hit the notes, I didn't "Bring It" to the audition.  Still and all, I got a callback.  Maybe my reputation provided a bit of consideration, but that apparently was it.  Shortly after the callback notice, a public request went out, looking for more actors to audition for the part I was "being considered for", as well as the others.  In and of itself, not bad, but the message it sent was, "Sigh, we might have to use you as a last resort."  Now I understand that a Director wants to see more and different actors, but in such a small community it sends a horrible message.  Not getting a call back would have bothered me less than getting one and moments later seeing that their first choice was still out there waiting to invited in.  I inquired with friends that direct in town, and got the placating answers of "they're covering all their bases" or "they have to match for a whole family" or "want to see more and different, not necessarily better".  However, from every actor I've spoken with, it's just rude and unprofessional.  I even went to the production team to gain clarity and met the same answers.  My issue is, why continue to consider me?  Even so,  I go into the callbacks poised, prepared and a bit more confident.  No one told my voice that, however.  Still, I was kept there for the duration, reading and singing and being paired up with other actors. Three days later another public request.  Nothing said to me.  What to think?  Contact Production Asst. that sent out message..........no idea.  Contact Producer/AD/Costumer/Et.Al...............I'm not being considered.   When was I going to find out?  Don't you think actors deserve a little respect?  Don't cast me, that's fine.  I understand not being the right ______________.   But to let things drag on the way they did.

Alright, move on.  There are a five more shows still auditioning in the next few weeks, so moving on to the next one.  A comedy.  A two-person show where each actor plays a number of characters.  Not Greater Tuna.  Not a big turnout either.  I had more confidence with this one as 15 years of improvisation lends to creating characters.  I read with three other actors and felt I gave changes in my readings each time.  Again, I know the director, he knows me.  Let the chips fall where they may.  No callbacks on this one and less than 10 people showed for the auditions over the two scheduled days, so I felt good.  Whereas the musical would have stretched me vocally, this show would have stretched me as a comedic actor.  Maybe I didn't "Bring It" again, or the director thought I was already in another show, or whatever........, but two days later I find out who was cast on a public forum, and not by the Director or the Theater, but by a former critic turned auteur.  Double check emails for form letter. Nope.  Contact my friend, the Director.  What?  Contact the source. "I got it from the theater's website".   Less than 10 actors and you can't give the courtesy of a form letter?  WTF.  Again, I don't get a role and I'm O.K. with that.  But sloppiness and complete lack of control over information?......that's bullshit.  To make matters worse, I receive a form letter an hour after I called out the oversight.  Who the fuck is running these things?

I will stipulate that I expect to not be cast in most of what I audition for.  I usually get callbacks, but even then I never assume a role is mine.  I know my reputation is as an actor that works hard, is easy to get along with, respectful of the process and beyond that, moderately talented.  I also know my limitations and would never waste a Director's time auditioning for a role I didn't think I could act/sing beyond their expectations.  But I'm getting a feeling that the business end of the process discounts the actor's feelings.  I would expect that in NY or Hollywood.  Hell even here when it comes to something that pays. But there is a limited pool of talent here willing to do it for free, and though this may be isolated, it's still not acceptable or professional. I'll get over it as I know the intent was not there, but don't assume we don't have feelings.

For the record,  I have spoken directly with parties involved and no hard feelings exist, but the sting lingers.

Characterize This

A new year and already knee deep in theater.  I love it.  I've resolved to balance my time better this year, but that doesn't stop me from performing. Just need to be a little more ............selective. Not sure if that's the right word as I would never accept a role I wasn't interested in playing.  I guess I mean that I have to learn to not accept roles that will overlap.  Ten shows in 2012 is quite a few.  Some were short runs, but it's the rehearsal time that kills ya.

Speaking of rehearsal, that's what I did over my Christmas Vacation.  Sounds like something you'd write about in grade school, and if that were the case, I don't think I could be more excited.  Bucket List #1 is checked off my list, though not permanently.  The remounting of Sweeney Todd happened last week, and to great acclaim.  I'm in the production filling in for the title character on performances that the originating actor can't fulfill.  As it stands, 3 of 12.  Not great, but as many as I performed when I played Judge Turpin in 2011 and as many as I did for Sgt. Merwin J. Toomey in Biloxi Blues last November.   I guess that's what I mean by selective.  I had two weeks to learn the Judge and three to learn the Barber himself and the turn-around was quick.  With Biloxi, it was a month of rehearsals for three shows in two days.  A rewarding character, but not enough time.

Obviously, Sweeney is an exception.  I was thrilled to be asked to, for lack of a better term, understudy the role.  I say lack of, because it is Community Theater, you split the role.  An understudy gets paid when they take the stage.   Semantics aside, I wanted the role the first time around and though disappointed in not getting it, I certainly now get to show what I can do with the role.  I didn't want the title character to play as a lunatic or a madman, but as an "everyman" who, through a narrow vision of revenge makes a series of choices that inevitably puts him over the edge.  I think I accomplished most of what I wanted.  Obviously, I had to follow direction and be shaped into the character the Director wanted, but it was clear to both of us that I couldn't and wouldn't try to mimic the other actor's portrayal.

The process was tough, and as rewarding as anything I've done up to this point.  Musically, Sondheim is a son-of-a-bitch and Sweeney has got to be one of the hardest shows, but it being my favorite, I was certainly hungry for the challenge (pun intended).  The show opened Jan 4, and I began rehearsing on Dec 16th with my first full dress/tech run on Jan 2nd.  I was to perform in the soft open on Jan 3rd, so....yeah....time was crucial.  Considering the holidays, there wasn't a whole lot of time.  Did I mention this was my #1 bucket list role.? (Still on my list to do again).

I'm not likely to be reviewed, though feedback up to this point has been fantastic.  I just hope the voice holds up.  Had a bit of a scare earlier this week, but I'm not as bad off as I could be were I still smoking.

It all works out I guess.  I didn't have to worry about work;  Best Little Whorehouse at the Plaza Hotel went dark and I had no other conflicts save for finishing "Love Song".   I'm quietly dancing for what I pulled off.  I tend to be humble, but this blog is for some of my inner, gooey feelings and stuff.  YEA ME!

Closing Week

Another show finds its way to a close.  "Love Song" by John Kolvenbach ends its run this week with four more shows.  It's been a fun show and has had great responses. (save for one bad review Glenn Heath, as Joan's laid-back hubby, Harry, provides a pleasant vocal balance. But nearly everything he does seems geared toward an audience.)  Still, I felt the last weekend was flat.......at least for me.  That seems to be a struggle at the moment.  I try not to "lock everything in" when I'm playing a character simply to keep it fresh for me.  Obviously blocking, lines, cues, etc need to be consistent, but I always like to push the envelope and give scenes a bit more dynamics.  Didn't feel that way this weekend.  Obviously I hear something different from the Director, so maybe it's possible that I stopped doing what I was being charged with in the review and actually settled into the normalcy of my character.  Perhaps.  Still, this production has been a nice palette cleanser as I tend to do one play for every three musicals.  

Which is where I am now, prepping for Sweeney Todd.  #1 bucket list role, and even though it's technically an US role, it's community theater and I'll be performing at least 3 shows.  To me that's great.  Last time I was in Sweeney was as the Judge in Oct 2011 and I only had 3 performances then too.  The title role is a bit different.  Act I is not too bad, but Act II is a bitch.  Mostly music for this one with the smattering of dialogue, but stage presence is going to be the key.  Not a lot of time either for me on stage as this is a remounting of the production done this past Oct.  Still, I am up for the challenge, and will get right back to it once I've posted here.  Excited doesn't even begin to cover the feelings.  And, it's nice to know that I was chosen.  It's a little validation for when I auditioned originally.  I don't know if I would have been cast then had I not been out of town for the closing weekend, but being brought in now does feel good.

Then what????  I hate looking ahead as it seems that I'm not devoting the focus I should for my current show(s).  That's a fair comment, but if I don't look at the horizon, then well I might miss a great opportunity.  Tons this year too.  Wow!   I've promised not to do as many shows this year, and that having been said, there are enough productions to make me go crazy.  I'm definitely auditioning for "Next to Normal", "Music Man" and "The Producers", but there's "Cabaret", "Into the Woods (Sondheim!!!!! Yes)", "The Wild Party", "How to Succeed in Business......", and I think "Guys and Dolls".  The only one I know I won't audition for is  Signature Productions' "Camelot".   I'm excited for the company's return as they mount great shows, but with so many other shows, I'm not so keen on this one as I played Arthur in '02.  I think I'm too old anymore for it and the only other role I'd play is Pellinore, and I'm not old enough for that one.

Funny, those are all musicals......don't even know of any straight plays other than the ones already cast......except for "Death of a Salesman".......Willy Loman......bucket list role for sure.........hmmmmmm.

Opening Night

Another Opening Night.  Feels like I say that a lot lately.  Not complaining in the slightest, but wondering how anyone does it.  The process of getting a show up and ready kicks my ass sometimes and I second guess myself about whether or not I'm doing the right thing or maybe I'm being lazy.   I certainly know I'm tired.   "Love Song" by John Kolvenbach opens tonight at the Art Square Theatre and if we improve as much tonight as we did from Wed to Thu, it's going to be fantastic.  It's already been great for me.  The role feels very familiar and that's perhaps why my character development during the rehearsal process has felt non-existent.  The character Harry is me.  Maybe I should just embrace that concept instead of fighting it.  Lots of firsts in this one too.  Surprisingly, after nearly 10 years of doing this, there were some steps and methods that I'd never been involved with before.  Lots of table readings and discussions and dissections of the character before we ever set foot on the stage.  Made the process of blocking very simplified.  Our motivations were well established, so movement had its purpose and didn't feel like wandering.  I hate it when my character moves across stage for no reason other than that's what I was directed to do.  The notes process was typical, but our line notes were on forms with shorthand notations specifically indicating what the error(s) in the dialogue was. Way better than a stack of paper scraps, or a verbal dressing down after rehearsals.  Even the speed-throughs were fun (read as I hated every minute of it, but loved how useful it was).  Hindsight is great.  A line Nazi was on book for every word, every contraction, every pause, period and pronouncement.  Very aggravating to have to re-say a line 15 times because you learned it wrong.  As King of the Paraphrasers, I was scowling at the AD the whole time and professing my love for her through clenched teeth.

I wish I had a ritual.........I think.   I'm not superstitious, but I like feeling comfortable.  It happens eventually with most every show I've done.  (Notable exceptions excluded for the sake of courtesy.)  I don't eat the same sandwich before opening night, nor do I have lucky underwear.  I do try to remember what  I felt at final dress and use that going forward, but it's not like I give the same static performance.  I did once make the mistake of having a Super-Big Gulp with a little mini-bar bottle of rum (or two) mixed in on final dress.  I did it out of raw nervousness.  I needed to take the edge off of my performance.  I was the title character and felt an overwhelming need to carry the show.  I had a great final dress, so I didn't want to test fate. I had the same drink every performance.  That was very early on and I've never done that sense.  The exception being The Rocky Horror Show.  As the Narrator (Criminologist for you Picture Show Nerds) I asked the Director, one night during tech if I could try drinking on stage.  He let me try it, and afterwards, insisted that I make it a part of the character in every performance.  Let's say that the 2 show Halloween Night Spectacular was indeed Spectacular.  With all the call-outs I had to respond to, I was indeed loose-lipped that night.  There is video to prove it.

I guess I do have one thing that I do for every show.  I carry a Talisman in a little black felt bag.  The Talisman has been with me for every performance, every rehearsal, every show......every day for that matter since it was given to me at the end of a run of Annie in the summer of 2011.  I squeeze it before every curtain and remember what it means to me and how fortunate I have been to be given the opportunities to act and tell stories with my characters.   It gives me strength, because I know the person who gave it to me is my biggest supporter and possibly the President of my Fan Club.  It calms me like no rum and coke ever could. It steels my nerves and focuses me to the task at hand.  So much from a little stone given to me on a midnight hike in Red Rock Canyon.  Thank you Kelly.  I've said it before, many times each day, but so you know that there is not doubt,  I love you.   Time for me to go kick a curtain, which is paraphrasing for break a leg.

Life after 42

It's interesting to review how your life changes.  And by interesting, I mean it combines all the elements of nostalgia, remorse, elation, love, fear and all the minutia of day to day living into an encapsulated nugget of memory.

So now I'm 42.  And to say, "A lot has changed in the past year." is not only cliche, but horribly inaccurate.  Of course a lot has changed.  Even if I'm still at the same job, still in love with the same woman or still sure that I could sustain myself on pizza for the rest of my life, every moment is change and pushes me toward new horizons.

No turning 42 has not given me clarity.  And it most certainly hasn't offered me the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.  Technically....I think.......I am the answer. But even then, no one is searching me out as if I'm a Tibetan Monk.  Hell, I'm still trying to figure out things in my own life.  Heaven forbid anyone asks my advice.  Of course, I'm going to offer it to you anyway.  Stay young at heart and learn something new everyday.  Always (and this can not be stressed enough) do what makes you happy.  If anyone tries to pull you away from that happiness, then you need to not be around those people.  Everything else is just a version of the 10 Commandments;  Don't Hate, Don't Kill, Be Kind,  So Some Fucking Respect, etc.

Coming off my bi-annual cold.  My cough always sounds like I'm about to die of consumption, but that's how I cough.  I'm more likely to get an aneurysm from the physical stress my coughs put me through.  Needless to say, I've got two shows coming up up in the next two weeks and I'm praying the bug goes away.  Can't blame smoking anymore.   6 months and counting.  I'll  be fine.  Thanks for asking.

"Marry Me a Little" the Sondheim concoction of unused songs from other shows has a three night run at the Art Square Theater (Cockroach Theatre) next week, and I keep feeling like I'm the weakest singer of the bunch.  The show is being broken down into 4 couples, so I only have to sing a couple of songs.   But still, the other singers are some of Las Vegas' best.  Thankfully, I recognize that I would never have been asked to be part of this show if I couldn't carry a tune.

"Love Song" by John Kolvenbach opens in the same theater on Dec 7th for a three week run.  Very fun show.  Such subtleties in the humor and construct of the script.  Need to get off book by week's end.  Grateful to Erik Amblad for his direction.  Nice to finally get to work with him.

We'll see what the new year holds.........I've got a couple of secrets, but don't want to share just yet.

Debating on a Twitter account.  I don't know if I have that much to say.

Intermission

Act I of Biloxi Blues clocked in at about an hour....not bad with the Tetris set being changed in the dark. These boys have made some fine progress in the past 31 days. They're not fighting soldiers yet, but I'd put then up against a Nazi cocktail waitress any time. Ho!

Biloxi Blues

Please disregard the actual Navy awards mixed with the ROTC ribbons and Army insignia.  It's my costume. If you don't like it, drop and give me 20.

Five years later.

Found my old blog today...last posted on my birthday 5 years ago.  Ha!  Apparently I get the urge to write once every five years.  I guess that's better than my old trend of quitting jobs every five years.   (Note to self, current job ends in 2014).

So I've decided to post my thoughts again.  For the moment, that's it.  Since I was rebuilding my website that I also lost access to 5 years ago......(due to a server migration, not due to anything I intentionally did)...... I figured it was time to update my Blog.

Very Merry Unbirthday

So the Big 37 has come, though to little or no fanfare. This is fine with me. I'm not really one to care about the Holidays or Birthdays or pretty much anything else that is commercialized to the point of being banal. Besides, I get really depressed on my birthday, and I don't need to spend the whole day pretending to care when people offer the obligatory "Happy Blah-blah!".

Of course I sit and reflect the previous year come Nov. 17th, and rarely have I accomplished enough to make it seem worthwhile. No, I'm not so bad as to contemplate the unforgivable, but I am getting to the point where I'm ready to start living off the streets and eventually start my own line of clothing.

So this year has not been the Hallmark year for me. I guess I should be used to it by now.....

This is quite a lot of self-deprecation going on. I think I'll stop while I'm behind. Oh, "Happy Thanksgiving"

Update

So the thought has occurred to me, and probably only me, that no one knows what I've been doing with my life as of late. Well, I will belay your fears and provide a little update on the goings-on of Glenn. As most everyone who knows me, knows I moved out of the Las Vegas area to the quaint border town of Laughlin (right on the AZ border 90mi south of LV). This happened almost two years ago, and has obviously put a crimp on my Improv performances: that and the fact that the troupes I was performing with disbanded. Still, I have not given up hope of performing again. I say that, because I keep taking classes with the Second City Training Center, and I keep putting myself out there for auditions. Acting life is slow, however, and the most I can do at the moment is self promote myself through my website. http://www.wnc.edu/~heath I've been busy adding/updating content, and though it's a tedious process, I'm at least having fun.

How am I finding all the time to do this? Quite simply, I am not working at the college anymore. That's how. I quit my "Technical Support Specialist" job at CSN back in August to make more time for my family here. April is working on her Master's Degree, and we agreed that I should be more of a presence here for her and Livie (5th grade/School President/ingenue). It was hard leaving the people at CSN. I really enjoyed the rapport I formed with them, but I do not miss the 3 hours of driving I was doing every day. Still, I keep in contact with my friends there and they still acknowledge me. Which is good. Unfortunately, what is not good is the fact that there is little work around here in the field I've been associated with the past 4 years. I received my fifth rejection letter today for applications sent, and that's not counting all the letters I didn't get. Things happen for a reason, though, so I am not too discouraged.

I'm really hoping things shape up on the acting/performing front. I performed recently with a group of Second City actors for a "Corporate Team Building" company that set up shop in Vegas (Treasure Map). They are developing programs for meeting planners to experience Mars; hence the names "Destination Mars" and "Mars Adventures". We had a lot of fun doing improvisation as a function of the team building exercises put forth in the program, but it is just getting going, and I may not see any more work with that 'til after the new year. By then, however, I'll be taking a new class through the SCTC with Liz Allen (YEAH!), so at least I'll be honing up my skills some more. Add that with a very positive meeting with Tena Hauser (President of Lenz Talent) a couple of weeks ago, and I may just start getting some auditions for real work soon.

So what else is happening? I am trying out contact lenses for the first time. Not too sure about the current prescription, but I am only in the first week phase of assessment. I've been blinking a lot compared to glasses, but I may be able to work that into my charming personality. What else? Long pause as I determine if there is anything else. It's been a couple of minutes now, so there must not be anything else. That can't be it ... can it? How sad. How truly sad. I'm not sure if the tears in my eyes are a result of the contacts or the lack of excitement in my life. Does my right brain know that my left brain is typing my stream of consciousness? Will the WGA ever settle? Stay tuned for more.