When did I become a Diva?

I don't know when it happened, or what caused it, but lately I've just wanted to tell everyone, "If you need me, I'll be in my trailer."  I feel that my acting is a commodity, and though I perform for free, I'm about to just tell directors to just cast me.  It's frustrating to be asked to go to auditions and not get cast, but it's even worse when you don't go and then get the speech by a director/producer, "Why didn't you go?  The part was yours? You would have killed it."   If that's your assessment without me even auditioning, then obviously you should just give me the role.  Don't make me feel guilty for not going.  I have my reasons, ok? Like maybe I have four other shows that I have already been called back for.  Which is something entirely different, since two of them I didn't even audition for in the first place.

I think Vegas Theater has reached its saturation point.  With the number of theater groups putting on shows, and the lack of turnout (especially with musicals), it's hard to pick and choose what I'd like to do.  There are some shows that won't ever go away  (*cough* Camelot) and some that no one knows (Violet), and some where the timing is right for my age type (Music Man).  Then comes the part where directors ask me to audition.  I respect the process and if I'm interested in the show/role I'm all over it, but it's beginning to feel like I'd be better to just sit back and wait for offers.  Too many shows right now are extending auditions.  Camelot doesn't have a Lancelot?  Nobody went to Violet auditions?  And don't even get me started on Next to Normal.

I picked my calendar out last Nov/Dec and it was reasonable.  Next to Normal, Urinetown, Music Man or How To Succeed, Producers, Into the Woods.  Those were the shows I wanted to do.  Roles were varied, but I like the character roles and strong leads.  A little mix of that with these shows.  Of course, I have to audition and be cast, but I'm confident in my abilities.  If the Director has a different vision that I don't fit into, I'm fine with that.  There was some overlap with these shows, so I didn't figure I could realistically do them all, but I love to perform and like I said, I trust my abilities........except my falsetto bridge.......a post for later.

So obviously, I didn't plan on auditioning for Irma Vep or Clockwork Orange or Guys and Dolls or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or Death of a Salesman or a slew of others.  Maybe it was scheduling.  Maybe I don't know the show.  Maybe I don't trust the director/producer/likely cast.  Doesn't matter.  These were the fallbacks I guess.  I didn't get cast for Next to Normal (wait for it), so I auditioned for Irma Vep, which I also didn't get cast.  Fine.  Urinetown was next, except I'm asked to come to call backs for two other shows, plus Tony and Tina's at Ballys wants me to come back for a fifth callback......another post for later.  And to top it off, I'm asked to come back for Next to Normal.  And still didn't get the role of Dan, though offered the Doctor....but only cause the first person cast had to back out.

So why am I busting my butt?  Had I not gone into Next to Normal auditions, I probably still would have been asked to, simply because there weren't enough choices.  Maybe the same results, but three weeks of stress averted.  Now I'm stuck with callbacks for shows that weren't on my list, but I would enjoy doing, an offer for a role I didn't list as one I wanted, but for a show I've fallen in love with (more love/hate at the moment). And to top it off, I'm getting criticism for not going to other auditions and for considering a role I'm actually being offered.  Ahhh.  This shouldn't be so hard.

So, I'm tempted to just be "that guy".  It will kill most opportunities I have, but I'm doing this for free.  DON'T make me tell you that I have to be paid.  DON'T make me just wait for you to come to me with an offer.  DON'T be upset if I don't go to auditions.  Be proactive.  Just call me and offer me the role, don't tell me it was mine if only I'd gone to auditions.  That's bullshit.

I've just realized I don't have a trailer.  I've also realized that I'm not being paid, so why stress at all.   Maybe I'll split the difference and tell people, "If the audition I didn't go to was good enough to get me a call back, then me not going to the call back should be perfect for me getting the role".   I'll be in my SMART car if anyone needs me.