Facebook is not my Therapist

Forward.

I'm a complicated person that hides behind a mask most of the time. Very few people know "who I am". You would think that because I perform as an actor that I'm comfortable around crowds, yet the opposite is true. If I'm performing, it's not me. That's why it's called acting. Yesterday was an acknowledgement about what appears to be anti-social behavior on my part. I get very anxious around holidays and tend to avoid parties/get-togethers/et.al. Not sure why I feel the need to share, other than the fact that I'm tired of avoidance behavior.

I started to write this on Facebook this morning, and I quickly realized that I use that medium far too often to share what is in my heart and mind. It is a method by which, I thin, is viewed as some "quick fix" solution. Post your problems and you'll feel better about yourself, but only in direct proportion to the number of likes or comments you get. Apparently, I've been following this methodology for a couple of years.  

So before I restart my blog postings about shows and roles and the general thoughts I have on theater and the dramatic arts, I'm going to resume what this blog was for; a place to share my feelings and thoughts about myself. Yes, it's public, but it's also isolated and insulated to maybe those few who actually care what I go through. Perhaps the musings will allow me deeper reflection on my personality flaws....or maybe they are the traits that make me unique and passionate. Who knows? Certainly not the general public of FB Friends, and Friends of Friends and the acquaintances of random meetings.

So......am I ok? Yes, for the most part. I've realized that my need for someone is strong, but it can't just be someone that takes up a physical space in my life. That's the hard thing. Since so few know me, it's hard to trust someone enough to let them in......Catch 22. I want desperately to share with someone, but at the same time I'm afraid of the rejection and/or betrayal that being vulnerable exposes me to....

Grateful to be a decent actor. Grateful to be smart enough to recognize my problems. Grateful to realize that I'm likely not alone.